Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday Favorites #12: Back to School -- Overwhelmed?

Dear friends,

This has been our first week of the school year, since the home school co-op that we rejoined (after a year of being "just home") started classes on Monday with plenty of academic assignments doled out for the rest of the week.  To be honest, I am sometimes very overwhelmed.  That's an understatement.  Whether it is:
  • lost school books (note plural, and one is still missing!) and one that I even forgot to order in the first place
  • a fussy, mischievous first grader and an angry older sister who was trying to do homework in the midst of the interruptions
  • computer parts spread all over the carpet during a very educational dissection of a defunct machine
  • a broken washing machine when my son was trying to wash his shirt to wear to co-op -- that morning!
  • a child who is shocked by the number of math problems assigned 
  • loud (nay, very loud!) kids having frequent fits of the hyper sillies 
  • people who try to talk to me with toothpaste in their mouths (pet peeve!)
  • arguments over who gets to use my laptop (after which I changed the password to the kids' account on it -- so there!)
  • the Internet going off when I was in the middle of something (loose cord!)
  • a headache from staying up too late trying to plan out how in the world I can get my kids to be more consistent with chores and cleaning up after themselves...  
Oh yes, the mama has been a bit spazzy the past several days!  But there have been lots of bright spots, too, like:

  • getting back in to the classroom at co-op (my happy spot!) and chatting with the other moms in the teacher's lounge
  • an afternoon of caring for my one year old grandson Jacob on Wednesday
  • a birthday dinner for my husband last night with all 10 kids home (very rare!) -- that's him with Jacob
  • a quick date to Starbucks with him earlier that day to share a vente hot chocolate and a cranberry scone (thanks to a gift card from his sister)
  • a really good long back rub from my husband when I had a bad kink in my shoulder
  • helping my second daughter pick out a pretty font for her wedding invitations (less than two months to the big day!)
  • reading about missionary Mary Slessor with my 10 year old daughter, who wants to be a missionary when she grows up
  • sharing Philippians and Aesop's Fables with my five younger kids at the start of school each day (it may not be assigned but the Scriptures and good literature are vital!) 
  • encouraging notes from family and friends
  • a teenage son who offered to bring me some ice water
  • an elderly neighbor who brought us most of a chocolate cake (since she baked one and couldn't eat it all by herself, and wanted to thank us for inviting her to church last week, which she loved, loved, loved).  
Guess I'd better count my blessings and put a smile back on my face, huh?  And I'm going to start taking my nutritional supplements again, like my thyroid booster, some St. John's Wort (kids asked if this is because I have warts -- then cheered when I told them it was to help me be not so grumpy), evening primrose oil for those female hormones, and the Juice Plus that we stockpiled a couple of years ago that is about to expire in a few months.  I just divvied out daily doses into little snack size zip lock bags.  Now I need to remember to take them.  Oh yeah.

Well, maybe you can relate.  Fortunately for all of us, there is plenty of encouragement for those tough days that is only a mouse click away.  This is some of what has kept me going this past month since I last compiled a Friday Favorites post.

The Sweet Life of a Homeschooling Mom Comes through the Law of Kindness by Karen Campell at www.thatmom.com  “As I read these words, I realize how often I have been loath to extend grace to my children and have allowed my own tastes and opinions to be presented to them as a holy standard, when the truth is that God’s Word is the standard we ought to be pointing toward. How often I have even been tempted to put my own spin on Scripture in order to “prove” that my preference is the “right” one. And I have remembered the times when my first thought was “what would other people think about me, especially as a homeschooling mom, if my kid does x, y, or z.”  Also by Karen:  The Sweet Life of the Home Schooling Mom is Based on Godly Wisdom

Ten More Ways to Keep Your Days Delightful, Part 1 by Teri (as guest posted on Jonesy’s blog Jonesville, Population 6)  “As I schedule the busywork, I also make plans for the beauty I hope to find, or create, in our home-school. Some days ahead will be hard, very hard. And I know it! It’s easier to keep perspective if we bring out the joy, the delight, where we can – a kind of preventive measure against February’s angst. Here are ten tips on my mind for this August bloom.”  Also by Teri: Ten More Ways to Keep Your Days Delightful, Part 1, and her original article from last year Ten Ways to Keep Your Days Delightful on her own blog, http://www.teritin.blogspot.com/ 

Home School Blog Conference Guest Post by Debbie Pittman (as guest posted on Jonesy’s blog Jonesville, Population 6)   “I’m definitely more tired – I prefer to think of it as mellowing – but the biggest difference is that I no longer feel like I’m out to prove something. These days my motive for homeschooling is not based on a fear of anything, nor am I delusional enough to believe I am the only one who can teach my children what they need to know.  I home educate for more pragmatic reasons.”  You can follow Debbie, a 25 year veteran of home schooling 11 kids (some adopted) at her own blog, Cheaper by the Baker’s Dozen. 

Your Failures Do Not Define You by Sally Clarkson at www.itakejoy.com  “It is an illusion that anyone you know is perfect or can live by their works. No one can. All we like sheep have gone astray. We simply cannot hold to our ideals by effort, we are in total need of His mercy and grace, every day, all the time.”  Also by Sally: Holiness is Not Law-Keeping by Love-Keeping and The Mystery of Child Training: Where to begin?

Westminster Dare by Sarah Clarkson at www.thoroughlyalive.com “In each of these stories or studies, I have found the simple fact that when a person comes to God, however flawed or frail they may be, and asks to be used to build his kingdom, to know, as those Westminster saints did, what is really true about the world, God responds. When people strip themselves of sin and illusion, when they step away from the frenzy of their culture and enter the quiet, waiting space of prayer, God speaks in ways they could not expect. When anyone pursues the truth about the nature of the world, or chases after real justice, or begs to glimpse and live real love, God answers and acts and invades their lives in a way I find shocking. The crux of it though is choice. Simple, but strenuous, a daily choosing to be vigilant in thought, disciplined in habits of body and mind, determined in prayer and in that seeking after the kingdom of God.”

Organizing Head & Heart to Home School  by Ann Voskamp at www.aholyexperience.com  “Education is the atmosphere we breathe, the envelope of wonder that surrounds us, held by the gravity of our daily habits.”  Also by Ann: Live the Seven Rungs of Holistic Homeschooling

Looking to the Good Shepherd Jesus for the example of how to care for others... Keeping a discerning eye on those who claim to be shepherds of God's people... Learning to recognize, heal from, and speak out against abuse -- spiritual, emotional, verbal, and physical -- in churches, organizations, and families."  Most of the initial posts came from this blog (www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com) and from my main blog (www.virginiaknowles.blogspot.com) but I have added other articles, a substantial links page, and a Quotes to Ponder page.  My newest article there is: On Walking by Grace Instead of a Focus on Mortifying Indwelling Sin. Two analogies from that article: 
I also wanted to let you know that I have created a new blog, www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com with a tagline of "
1) If I only put the effort into correcting the errors in my kids' schoolwork, then that is all I will get to do.  That is because if I don't spend the time to teach them well in the first place, I will by necessity have to spend all of my time pointing out where they messed up.  It would be better to be proactive and teach it right from the start than have to go and react to the mistakes.  I need to enthusiastically equip and nurture them for success, not set them up for the disabling, de-motivating discouragement of always being told how wrong they are.  
2) A gardener has to spend time weeding a plot of ground, but the point is so that she can plant a lovely and fruitful garden, not so that she can have barren land.  (See Mother's Seeds.) Yes, we have to correct one another at times, but if we aren't doing something beautiful, too, it's just plain empty.

Two quotes from my Quotes to Ponder page:

"But we'll be careful to be peacemakers and not peacekeepers.

  Peacekeepers are likely to overlook the causes of pain and suffering,
    to avoid dealing with it in order to maintain some kind of equilibrium
     regardless of what it may be based on.
      Peacekeepers prefer the status quo
       and are apt to tell the hungry to quiet down
         lest they disturb the sleep of the overfed."
           Bishop William Frey in The Dance of Hope  

“To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets, cakes and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.” 

On my other blogs:
And an old article from StartWell: The Mom Alphabet (Here is the one for "O": "Overcome obnoxious offenses with optimism.")

Created to Be His by Becky --  I don’t know her, but she seems to be quite the kindred spirit to me in her concerns about grace and legalism

Recovering Grace – a blog by men and women who grew up in the IBLP/ATI movements founded by Bill Gothard – and wish to bring grace and healing to those who have been negatively affected by it

OK, that's enough!  I've got to go finish up some history homework with one of my kids!

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My History in the Conservative Quiverfull Home Schooling Movement: An Introduction to the Gender and Authority Series



Dear friends,


I've been posting articles and web links for my series on Gender & Authority this past week, and just compiled them all into the July edition of my Hope Chest e-magazine which is sent to about 950 families around the world.  This is the introduction I gave to those who don't know me, and I thought it would serve well as an introduction to the blog series, too...





As most of you know, I am a home schooling mom of 10 children, ages (almost) 6 to 24.  My oldest daughter is married with a one year old son and expecting her second baby in February. She works part-time as a writer, splitting shifts with her husband.  My second daughter works full time in an office and is engaged to be married in October; she and her fiance have both been active in mission trips to Bolivia.  My third daughter starts nursing school at UCF next month.  My fourth daughter is a Disney World photographer and a student at Valencia Community College.  Both my third and fourth daughters spent three months in Italy earlier this year helping missionaries with outreach through teaching English in the community.  They are now living at home again while they are in college.  My fifth daughter returns to public high school for her junior year this fall; she had a very successful and happy year there. The younger five children, in first through ninth grades, will continue in our home school; this year we are rejoining the Providence co-op after a year off and I will be teaching 7th-8th grade English (with an strong emphasis on Bible and missions) as I have in the past.  I have been home schooling my children for about 20 years, and learning about it for 25.   

That's because shortly after Thad and I married in the mid 1980’s, we moved to Maryland, where we joined a conservative yet contemporary church that was filled with large home schooling families.  One of my earliest mentors in marriage and motherhood was a sweet lady named Vickie Botkin, whose husband was our home group leader.   Vickie taught me how to make log cabin quilts in her sewing room.  She continually modeled a heart of simplicity and contentment to me.   She is a lot more well known now than then. Victoria (as she is now called) is the wife of Geoff Botkin, and mother of seven young adult children.  The books, audios and DVDs that the Botkin family produces are published by Vision Forum.  Probably the best known of these are the Elizabeth and Anna Sophia Botkin’s book So Much More and their DVD Return of the Daughters. (I own both, read & reviewed the book years ago, and watched the DVD.  I may eventually write more about them, but no promises.)  Back then, one of the books that either Vickie or of our friends introduced me to was The Way Home by Mary Pride.  Then I read the sequel All the Way Home when it came out in 1989.   For about a decade, I subscribed to and wrote articles for Pride’s magazines HELP, Big Happy Family, and Practical Home Schooling.  (For a 2009 update from Mary Pride, please read her article Patriarchy, Meet Matriarchy.) About 20 years ago, I also started subscribing to Above Rubies Magazine by Nancy Campbell.  I have attended several three or four of her retreats (and helped organize one of them), written many articles for her magazine, and have had many personal conversations with her either while driving her to the airport or when she would call me on the phone with her delightful New Zealand accent.  I also read and posted on Teri Maxwell's very conservative Titus 2 Mom's web board for quite some time.


All this to say, I was quickly and deeply drawn into the “full quiver” (large family) and home schooling lifestyle that my new friends and Mary Pride’s and Nancy Campbell’s books and magazines espoused. I don’t regret that at all.  I wouldn’t trade any one of my 10 kids for anything!  And I love home schooling them!  I was still in my twenties when my oldest officially started kindergarten and I’ll be nearly 60 when my youngest graduates from high school.  That’s quite an investment in my own family, but I have also written home schooling books and published an e-magazine for the past 13 years.  I’m in deep and I’m in for the long haul.  


My husband Thad is also very involved in our children's educations through working with me on curriculum planning and record keeping, tutoring them, taking them on field trips, chauffeuring them to classes, working out dual enrollment in college, encouraging me to keep going strong, and of course, paying $$$ for everything!  With the older ones who are beyond home schooling, he helps coordinate college and scholarship applications,  overseas travel arrangements, car purchase and maintenance, wedding plans, financial planning and other adult life skills.  :-)  Kudos, Thad!  You are quite the veteran dad!

But back to the theme of this month's e-magazine... As the years have rolled by and I have closely observed the full quiver / home schooling movement and where it’s gone, I’ve seen some disturbing out workings in certain segments of it, especially relating to gender and authority.  Anything good can be distorted, sometimes very badly.  The ones who seem to suffer most are the moms and the daughters.  I’m certainly not the only one who has taken notice, hence the Manifesto and three book reviews I will share in this issue.   A little later, in the second review, I will share more on why I wrote this blog series. 

The other recent posts in this series, which I included in the e-magazine, are:

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Leave me a comment on this blog post or any of the others, or feel free to send me an e-mail!  Please note that I do not have the time or inclination for extended debates.  :-)

Blessings,
Virginia Knowles

Monday, July 25, 2011

Web Links about Parenting with Grace Instead of Authoritarian Legalism

"Maternal Kiss" by Mary Cassatt, 1896
This post is part of my new series on Gender & Authority.  Most of these links to other web sites are not gender-based, but they all talk about raising children with grace and love instead of authoritarian legalism or emotional abuse.  Some of them also address the problems with the patriarchal (aka patriocentric or father-centered family) edge of the home schooling movement, as well as related marriage issues.  


So far, my other posts in the Gender & Authority series are:


My other related posts on this blog:

    The rest of these links are for other web sites that I have found helpful.  I do not endorse everything you may find on these sites or even in the linked posts.  I trust that you will read with your own discernment.  I recommend that if you plan to visit several of these sites that you open each one in a separate tab and then read them in turn.

    Recovering Grace - I can't tell you how delighted I am to see this new web site!  I had wanted to address the legalism and subsequent emotional damage within Bill Gothard's Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institutes organizations.  I have seen a lot written about it here and there on the web, but I knew it would take too much research and time for me to round all of it up!  Now I can just give you a link where "a Gothard generation shines light on the teachings of IBLP and ATI" and gives "personal testimonies of finding true freedom through God's matchless grace." As a personal note, Thad and I attending an IBYC conference (name changed later to IBLP) before we got married, and maybe once afterward.  We still have the big red book and some of the other resources around here, and though we never really attempted to implement them specifically, I think the concepts did influence our thinking. 


    Finding Healing from Disillusionment by Elizabeth Wyse Cook (guest post on www.quiveringdaughters.com) -- life after working for Bill Gothard 

    Resolved2Worship  At age 19, she married a man (ten years older) who was raised in an authoritarian home that was heavily influenced by a legalistic organization which is not named on the blog but I suspect is Gothard's ATI program.  It took many years for them to establish a healthy family life due to his parents' interference.   Now with several children of their own, their testimony in the "Our Love Story" series is one of God's grace and sovereignty through it all.  Besides that, her photos of her children and nature are absolutely gorgeous and fun.

    Two sites dedicated to addressing problems with the BabyWise and Growing Kids God's Way resources by the Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I remember taking issue with this stuff about 15 years ago since it seemed so rigid.  In the case of young babies and feeding on schedule, the program came under fire from medical professionals for causing Failure to Thrive in infants.  There is a ton of info at these web sites...
    Tulip Girl also has a series on the serious problems in Michael and Debi Pearl's To Train Up a Child and No Greater Joy resources.  

    • Tulip Girl's Pearl/TTUOC Posts

    (As you may remember, it was a Pearl "discipline" related child death that caused me to write Child Discipline or Child Abuse? last year.)

    I Take Joy with Sally Clarkson

    ThatMom with Karen Campbell

    And an encouraging and balanced word from Mary Pride in 2009 as a follow up to her books The Way Home and All the Way Home:
    Patriarchy, Meet Matriarchy


    Please let me know which of these links and sites are most useful for you!  If any don't work, please tell me that, too, so I can fix or delete them as necessary.


    If you have any links that you would like to consider adding to this post, please send them along.  And check back for updates!


    Blessings,
    Virginia Knowles
    ww.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

    Friday, July 22, 2011

    Manifesto of Liberty and Responsibility in Christian Families

    Manifesto of Liberty & Responsibility 
    in Christian Families
    by Virginia Knowles

    Each person, male or female, young or old, is uniquely created by God and as such, possesses inherent personal dignity. With this God-given dignity comes both liberty of conscience and responsibility in interacting with others. As Christians, we are called to live in grace and understanding with each other, not controlling others with manipulation or legalism.

    There is only one mediator between God and man: Jesus Christ, who laid his life down in humble sacrifice. Though we are to encourage and teach one another according to Scripture, none of us serves as the intermediary between God and anyone else.  Each of us is responsible directly before God.

    As Christian parents, we are called to train our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Our goal should be to continually equip and empower them so that they are not dependent upon us but upon God. This includes modeling for them how to rely on the Holy Spirit for guidance in life decisions. As our children reach their teen and young adult years, our role gradually transitions into coaching and encouraging rather than directing or commanding. Adults are called to respect and honor their parents, but not to obey them.

    Men and women are equal in dignity and worth in the sight of God, even though there may be different emphases in their roles and responsibilities at various seasons in their lives. Husbands and wives, along with the rest of the body of Christ, are called to mutual submission and respect out of reverence for God. A wife has complete liberty of conscience and responsibility before God for her own thoughts, speech, and behavior. She is not in any way required to go against that, even at her husband’s insistence. A husband’s attitude should be that of a servant, not a tyrant. He is called to live with his wife in an understanding way as a co-heir in Christ, carefully considering her concerns and counsel, rather than lording it over her. Violence has no rightful place in a marriage relationship.

    A young woman should be given the opportunities to obtain marketable job skills and college education so that she can support herself during her years of singleness or, after marriage, help provide income for her family as may be necessary. A young man, likewise, should become proficient enough in household tasks so that he can run his own home during his years of singleness, and assist his wife in this as may be necessary. Parents launch both their sons and daughters toward adulthood by encouraging a responsive personal relationship with God, teaching practical life skills, releasing them to learn from other mentors and teachers, and equipping them to make their own reasonable choices.


    Marriage is to be entered into by two spiritually and emotionally responsible adults, and is to be based on mutual respect, affection, and attraction. During the years before marriage, it is wise for young people to seek the guidance and support of their parents and other trustworthy counselors. However, the final decisions must be made by the people who are planning to get married. If they haven’t established enough healthy independence to do that, then they aren’t sufficiently prepared to be married at all. After a couple marries, there needs to be an appropriate “leaving and cleaving” from their parents so that the new family can be established. While new couples are wise to ask for advice, their parents should not pressure married children to conform to their own expectations.

    Each parent is responsible before God for the decisions they make on behalf of their own children. We are called to study the whole counsel of Scripture, devote ourselves to prayer, and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit for our families. Each family is different, so we must grant one another the liberty to make decisions as seems best, within the reasonable limits of law. 

    The choice to educate children at home, in a private school, in a public school, or in any combination of these, is one for the parents to make with the guidance of God, based on their evaluation on what would be appropriate for each one. Likewise, in a church, the decision to have their children participate in an available nursery, Sunday School, or youth group belongs to the parents. Children’s ministry can be an honorable and edifying pursuit in the life of a church, not necessarily an abdication of parental responsibility. Family-integrated church can also be a tool for unity and discipleship, but is not a Biblical mandate.

    Each child is a precious gift from God. As parents, we do not own our children, but we are stewards on their behalf.  We are called to cherish and lovingly train them, not to abuse them emotionally, physically or spiritually. Their perception of God as a Heavenly Father is largely shaped by their relationship with us as their earthly parents. We can not reflect God's character if we are harsh, demanding, tyrannical, manipulative, selfish, self-righteous, inconsistent, dismissive, or overly concerned with personal reputation. We must learn to model parenthood that is gentle, respectable, respectful, patient, humble, sacrificial, firm, equipping, encouraging, and faithful. Safety and well-being of the children must be a top priority for family life. 

    "For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21


    Submission Is Not Silence by Elisabeth Julin (A Review)

    Dear friends,

    Submission Is Not Silence by Elisabeth Julin
    My ears perked up when my friend Tonya Travelstead told me about a blog written by her friend Lizzie Julin.  On our early morning walks, we had been discussing the topic of how many in the home school movement think and speak about gender and authority.  She knows that I have done a lot of research into the patriarchy movement that goes way beyond the normal, Biblical “men should lovingly lead their families” into an unhealthy authoritarian position.  So, was there really a blog for wives called “Submission is Not Silence”?   Sounded interesting! 




    What is funny is that I didn’t realize I had already met Lizzie the previous year at a reunion for members of a church we both attended long ago.  I had even taken a picture of Lizzie with her husband Eric in the background (see left) and had posted it on Facebook – without a tag because I couldn’t remember their names.  And that picture, which I stumbled on later, is actually how I eventually realized the connection.  I also went to church with her brother Tim for a while in the late 1990's, and met her sister Connie about 27 years ago, too.


    And I still have not told you about the book, Submission Is Not Silence: Boldness from a Quiet Spirit, have I?  Well, I always like to give the back story.  Long story made even longer, I started reading Lizzie’s blog and began corresponding with her.  When she finally published the same-named book, she graciously sent me a copy!

    Now for Lizzie’s back story!  If you’ve ever read a Vision Forum catalog, you may have seen a book called Ten P’s in a Pod by Lizzie’s brother Arnold Pent. (Just for the record: I am not a fan of Vision Forum nor its founder Doug Phillips, and he probably wouldn't like me much either, but that is another story.)  Their father, Dr. Pent, was a traveling evangelist, and the family traveled with him giving concerts and Scripture memory recitations all around the country.  The eight children, of whom Lizzie was the fourth, were home schooled on the road.  Raised in this very conservative family, they were taught that good Christian women were to be so quiet-spirited that they never fully expressed their opinions or desires or especially their disagreements to their husbands. That was considered being unsubmissive. When Lizzie married Eric a week before her 30th birthday, that is the model of communication that she took with her.  Eric, who had not been raised this way, did not understand why she was being so silent.  Lizzie, full of repressed feelings and emotions, resented Eric for not instinctively knowing what was bothering her.  It nearly destroyed their marriage.  Let Lizzie tell a bit of what saved them… 
    “Fifteen years into our marriage, I had a nagging fear that Eric would leave if I ever countered his strong opinions.  As it turned out, I was the one who left him for four days.  Taking Isaiah 58 in my head, I drove north to the hometown of friends to quietly pray for my marriage.  When I returned, Eric and I looked at each other soberly over coffee in a downtown restaurant.  This was when I had my epiphany.  Our failures were destroying what we wanted more than anything else, which was a loving, peaceful relationship.  After that day of enlightenment, I began to understand my true value to him.  I saw his good intentions, commitment to God, character, and determination to stay in our marriage. “Even if you leave, I will stay committed to the marriage and the children,” he told me. 
    I thought love had died in me, but it soon resonated again.  The crises in our marriage accomplished what my silence never could have.  I began this journey of many years trying to find wholeness.  Our marriage then became more like a game than a war.  How simple my part became, and how well it fit, like a perfectly crafted piece of a puzzle among the other pieces of my life; my relationship with God, my husband, and our children.”

    What Lizzie learned is that a woman needs to offer her whole self to her husband: all her gifts, her thoughts, her feelings, her opinions.  He needs her female perspective.  Marriages thrive with mutual respect, not a rigid hierarchy.  As she wrote later in the book: 
    “A free, wise, strong female comes up with a bold plan as she seeks the welfare of her husband, her children, and herself.  She is what every man longs for (even when he doesn’t know it).  He will love ever more fervently the woman who has a mind of her own, who gives to him from her own initiative and female genre of wisdom, and who loves him back because she is free and chooses to.  Love that is coerced is not real, and neither is submission that is coerced.  Personal dominance, dictatorships in marriage and other forms of mind control that are camouflaged by religion are all unbiblical.  No religion or denomination has permission from Scripture to control a woman.  Some try hard, but they have to violate Scripture in the process.  The biblical truth is that no human being is justified coming between you and God.  In the end of time, when it is your turn to stand before God, you will face Him alone. 
    Marriage is an institution created by God to be the very foundation of the happiness and personal growth of a man and woman.  United to “the head,” she as the “body” builds her house.  She is his closest confidante, counselor and friend.  Women who fulfill their key roles on the stage of life will move an entire culture closer to God.” 
    Reading this book, which is 275 pages long, I was at first put off a little by the repetition.  It seemed like I was reading the same concepts over and over again.  Then I realized that this was actually a (perhaps unintended) strength of the book.  Many women reading it have been beaten down emotionally in their marriages and need this constant stream of affirmation about their significance.  Just like a flower needs watering day after day, some women need to read these concepts over and over to counter the skewed ideas about “Biblical womanhood” that they may have been told all along.   


    Lizzie and coffeeSubmission Is Not Silence isn’t a difficult book to read; it is more like a warm, friendly chat over coffee with a wise older Titus 2 mentor.  She understands the realities and challenges because she has lived through them.  Lizzie and Eric, the parents of three grown sons, have now been married for over 37 years -- and they are best friends!  Wow!  In this day and age, that’s quite something!



    I highly recommend this book!  Read a little each day and be blessed!  To give you a taste for what you’ll see, the chapter titles are: 
    • Remember Who You Are!  In God’s Image, Yet Unique
    • A Resemblance of the Holy Spirit: Assuming Your Powerful, Positive Role
    • The Science of You: Knowledge is Power
    • God Honors You: The Bible Speaking Directly to You
    • Totally Unique: Created for Such a Time as This
    • Equal Opposites: Both in the Image of God
    • A Calling: Thriving in Your Dominion
    • Keep Your Heart There: The Center of Every Universe
    • Counterparts: A “Threefold Cord”’
    • On Stage: The Female Lead
    • The Power of Influence: To the Ends of the Earth
    • The Head: His Logic and Strength on Your Side
    • The Race: Finishing the Course
    Take a peek at the Submission Is Not Silence blog, web site, and Facebook page.  (Please note that the web site might have some down time on Saturday, July 23, 2011 for maintenance!) Her first post on the blog is one of my favorites: Ponder It, Then Speak the Truth in Love.

    You can order the book, in print or digital version, here: http://submissionisnotsilence.com/book/


    This blog post is part of my series on gender and authority.  You can read the other posts here: 


    You may also wish to read: 


    Help for Hurting Marriages


    Honesty, Respect, Leadership, and Academic Success


    Blessings,
    Virginia Knowles
    www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com
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