You Have Loved Us First (Prayers by Søren Kierkegaard)

"You Have Loved Us First"

(Prayers by Søren Kierkegaard)

Father in heaven! 

You have loved us first; 

help us never forget that you are love 

so that this sure conviction 

might triumph in our hearts 

over seduction of the world, 

over the disquiet of the soul, 

over anxiety for the future, 

over the fright of the past, 

over distress of the moment. 

 

But grant also that this conviction 

might discipline our soul 

so that our hearts might remain 

faithful and sincere, 

in the love which we bear 

to all those whom you have 

commanded us to love as we love ourselves.

Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

I found this in on my iPod today in a rather random place in my notepad.  I'm not sure where I saw it originally last year, but it speaks to me this morning right where I am.  There is so much going on in our lives, it is easy to fret.  I need to find that calm conviction.

Here is another Kierkegaard prayer that I found...

You have loved us first, O God, alas! 

We speak of it in terms of history 

as if You loved us first but a single time, 

rather than that without ceasing. 

  

You have loved us first many times 

and everyday and our whole life through. 

When we wake up in the morning 

and turn our soul toward You – 

You were there first – You have loved us first; 

if I rise at dawn and at that same second 

turn my soul toward You in prayer, 

You are there ahead of me, You have loved me first.

When I withdraw from the distractions of the day 

and turn my soul toward You, 

You are there first and thus forever. 

And we speak ungratefully as if 

You have loved us first only once. 

 

The other day while traveling in North Carolina on our way home from vacation, I purchased the book A Brief Guide to Ideas by William Raeper and Linda Edwards.   As a mom trying to be a good example to her kids, I believe in stretching my brain and learning new things, and I figured that a taste of philosophy from a Christian perspective might do me some good.  I'm glad to see there is a chapter on Kierkegaard, a Danish Christian philosopher who believed in experiencing God by faith and continually choosing to renew that trust.  I know I wouldn't agree with much of what he wrote discounting the value of reason.  Yet I am touched by his childlike faith expressed in these prayers, especially in light of the fact that his own childhood in a pietist home is described as "isolated and unhappy" and "deeply affected by the guilt and religious gloom of his father."  (See how American naturalist John Muir responded to the same kind of upbringing: The Fruits of Harsh Parenting.)

I want my children to experience joy and liberty in their faith in Jesus, rather than rigid duty and a sense of spiritual failure.  I want them to be who God uniquely created them to be. I want us all to be in a close relationship with God. I can't choose faith for my children, but I can model it as I "withdraw from the distractions of the day" and overcome "the disquiet of the soul." That is a challenge for me. I need God's help, the reminders of his love that I find in Kierkegaard's prayers. "Grant that conviction might discipline our soul" so that I, too, can be faithful, sincere and loving - as God is and wants me to be.

What about you?

Virginia Knowles

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

P.S. The zinnia and butterfly photos in this post were also taken on our way home, the same afternoon as I bought the philosophy book. You can see more of my botanical photos from Sarah P. Duke Gardens in North Carolina.

Our Road Trip and a Little Care Giving

Dear friends,

If you read this Come, Weary Moms blog but not my others, you might wonder where I've been.  The answer?

Traveling north!

I've been on an extended road trip with my six younger kids, ages 7 to 18.  We left Florida in June 24, took three days to travel seeing sights along the way, and have been staying at my parents' home in Maryland ever since.  My 18 year old daughter is flying home today, but the rest of us are leaving in our mini-van Friday morning, stopping at the Manassas National Battlefield (Civil War) on our way out of the D.C. area.  By the time we get home this Sunday, we'll have been gone for three whole weeks.  


I'm really glad that my cousin Jean lent us her GPS when we stopped to see her in Chapel Hill on the way up.  It's been a huge help getting around town on our frequent forays.  We'll give it back to her on the way back down!  I always look forward to seeing her and her sister Marge.  They have been so kind to us.  This trip, they loaded us up with road trip snacks!



Anyway, even though I haven't written here on this blog, I have posted a photographic series on Traveling North.  Here are the links so far:

• Ft. Pulaski
• Tybee Island
• Historic Savannah
• Chapel Hill
• Luray Caverns
• National Zoo
• Visiting Great Grandmother
• Swimming in the Patapsco River
• Water Balloon Fight and Lacrosse Game
• The Fourth of July and Smithsonian in D.C.
• Celebrations of Birthdays and Recovering 

My mom and her mom,
who  hadn't seen each other in over a month.

I had been wanting to drive to Maryland this year already, but then my mom called and said that since she was having two surgeries this year and couldn't make it to Florida, she and Dad would pitch in for gas and hotels so we could come up.  What we didn't know then is that three weeks after her back surgery, she wouldn't even be home yet.  She's been bouncing back and forth from hospital to rehab because of severe complications, including a MERSA infection on the steel rod in her spine. So part of our time has been spent visiting her!  I'm glad we could be here to help cheer her up and relieve my sister from non-stop care giving.  We have also visited my 98 year old grandmother in her nursing home and taken her to see my mom in rehab.  As of yesterday, Mom is back in the hospital again.  I took the flower picture at the top of this post near the hospital chapel yesterday.  More flower pictures from when I flew up to Maryland by myself last month: A Bouquet for My Mommy.

One of the practical things I did is clean out the refrigerator and reorganize the kitchen.  I know Mom is going to be limited in bending over, lifting, twisting, etc.  So I tried to put things where she could easily reach them, or where my sister or a hired home helper could easily find them.  I even labeled cupboards and drawers.  I tossed out old food and put other opened food (like nuts and crackers and cereal) in Tupperware and Rubbermaid.  I put all the mugs in the same cupboard as the coffee and tea.  I moved less used appliances -- like the meat slicer that my late grandfather used until he died a few years ago -- from prime spaces to less accessible places.  I bought some fresh dish towels.  That sort of thing.  It took me several hours, but I had a blast!  Occasionally, I would look out the kitchen window and see a deer grazing in the yard.  Beautiful.

We did have a few mishaps on our trip -- a parking ticket, smoke coming out of the van, stitches in the emergency room, a lost child in a big place, a really bad rash that required a doctor visit, a few broken dishes, and what else?   I'm trying to be the Chill Mom and take things in stride.  Handing out quarters (for good behavior) and chocolate (just because!) in the van sure helps keep kids happy, as does a lap top, a pile of DVDs, and a collection of iPods.  

I also taped a decorative coaster to my dash board that says "Blessed are the gentle."  When I start stressing out while driving, I just reach up an pat it as a reminder.  I bought the same one for my mom for her hospital room as a "gentle" reminder for the nurses.  Most of them have been perfectly lovely.

Much as I have enjoyed our travels, I'm looking forward to getting home and spending some time with my husband, four oldest daughters, and two adorable grandsons.  My fourth daughter is leaving for a semester in Australia and New Zealand later this month, and my second daughter and her husband just arrived home from a mission trip to Bolivia this past week.  We've got a lot of appointments coming up, too, including an interview for a part-time teaching job in a home/private hybrid school.

While I've been gone, I have also added two new posts to my Strength in Hymn series at Watch the Shepherd.

• Before the Throne of God Above 
• Love Divine, All Loves Excelling 

Older posts in that series:

• In the Garden (When the Caregiver Needs Care)
• Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us (moms needing tender care to lead children)
• As a Tree Beside the Water 
• Fairest Lord Jesus
• Let the Beauty of Jesus Be Seen in Me 
• I Dare Not Trust the Sweetest Frame? 

Until next time,

Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Linking here next Wednesday:

Adorned from Above

Raising Homemakers

Whole-Hearted Home

Wise Woman Link Up

Walking Redeemed

New Posts and Series on Watch the Shepherd

Dear friends,

I've got a new post over on my Watch the Shepherd blog called Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us (Strength in Hymn). I waffled over whether to post it here (since it is about gentle mothering) or there (since it fits with my new Strength in Hymn series).  There won out, but I decided to link here anyway.  Be sure to check out the long list of links on articles about gentle parenting, some by me and some by Karen Campbell, Sally Clarkson and others.

The new series is about old hymns, with photographs and encouragement for those who might be struggling with the faith, especially those wounded by other Christians.

I have also added an e-mail subscription link to the sidebar of Watch the Shepherd.  Check it out!



Sometime soon, I am going to start another series which will be reflections on the book The Divine Conspiracy by eminent Christian author Dallas Willard, who passed away last month.  My friend Gary Thomas told me over a year ago that I should read something by Dallas Willard to give me joy.  Thanks for the recommendation, Gary, and good call!  Here is the book blurb from CBD:

In The Divine Conspiracy, Willard gracefully weaves biblical teaching, popular culture, science, scholarship, and spiritual practice into a tour de force that shows the necessity of profound changes in how we view our lives and faith. Willard refutes "fire escape" mentality by exploring the true nature of the teachings of Jesus, who intended that His followers become His disciples, and taught that we have access now to the life we are only too eager to relegate to the hereafter. The author calls us into a more authentic faith and offers a practical plan by which we can become Christ-like. He encourages faith by embracing the true meaning of Christian discipleship.

I'm only two chapters in so far, and already blessed!  Why don't you join me?

If you haven't taken a peek at my other blogs lately, they are:

www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com - my main blog with a wide variety!
www.StartWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com - preschool and elementary
www.ContinueWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com - middle school
www.FinishWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com - high school and beyond
www.WatchTheShepherd.blogspot.com - theology and advocating for the vulnerable

Grace,
Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Power: What Price and Purpose?

Just riffing off of a stream-of-consciousness journal entry from a few months ago...

I was thinking that there is a certain strength in having ordinary weaknesses.  In the movie The Amazing Spiderman, people turned into giant lizards capable of terrifying strength and power after being exposed to an airborne chemical.  But who would want to be that strong and powerful if they had to become a lizard to get that way?  That kind of brute strength is devoid of the sensitivity that being an authentic human entails.  It completely lacks aesthetic beauty.  It is only capable of destruction, not creation.  It wants to control others but cannot control itself.  I can't imagine living the limited life of a megalizard.  I'm not into city squashing.

In some ways, our true strength grows from our weaknesses: because we cannot do things alone, we must do them together.  Our resulting relationships and cooperation  leads to healthy inter-dependency.  Our weaknesses also remind us to depend on God's strength and to guard against the wrong kind of pride.  

Becoming aggressive (physically or otherwise) can result from using pride, power and position for what they can get for you, not to build devotion to God nor loving relationships.  It leads to ultimate downfall.  On the far opposite end of the spectrum,  low self-esteem keeps us passive, paralyzed and vulnerable to victimization.   A healthy self-confidence enables us to step out boldly in service and creativity. We can be assertive, claiming what is rightfully ours while helping others attain their goals, too. This is a win-win situation.

Physical weaknesses, disabilities and pain can challenge us to come up with creative accommodations, using our brains and hearts to keep accomplishing what our bodies can't do.  Work smarter, not just harder. Synergize.  Invent. Be aware of the struggles of others so you can show compassion.  Use whatever kind of power you have for the good of all.

We should still pursue physical strength and vitality, keep in shape, and get medical help for injury and disease. But we also realize that our inevitable weaknesses can paradoxically plant in us the humble seeds of true greatness.  Success is not just handed to us on a golden platter, but is an on-going process requiring effort and cooperation.  We learn and grow together as people made in God's image, and overcome the odds through perseverance,  effort, and supportive relationships.  

Jesus came among us in the limitations of human flesh, great power constrained and channeled into great sacrificial love.  He wants us to have true power, creative power, beautiful power.  If we want to make a difference in the lives of others, it cannot be by selfishly controlling them.  We must love them. Love is the strongest influence of all.

~*~*~

And finally, a little of what the Bible says about power and weakness.


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Isaiah 40:29

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Romans 15:1

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.  Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.  Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.  Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Matthew 5:3-9

A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors.  But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.  Luke 22:24-26

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength... But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  1 Corinthians 1:25,27

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.  Hebrews 12:12

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.  Ephesians 3:16-21

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Ephesians 6:10-13

Downsizing to a Mini-Van

Dear friends,

I've got new wheels!  Well, maybe not NEW new, but new to me.  We finally downsized to a mini-van, a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan that I call my Grand Cherryvan.  

Most families have to UPsize to a mini-van, but I've been driving a full-size (11 or 15 passenger) van for the past 16 years since the sixth of our ten children was born.  Until last week, that is.  Now I'm only ever driving around 5 kids, and our big van was a gas hog, so it was time to scale down to something with much better MPG.  My husband put an ad on Craigslist to sell our old green Ford van, and it was promptly claimed by a home schooling family who is expecting their seventh baby (all under eight years old!) and moving to Tennessee to live off the land.  Godspeed to them.

Then came the work of finding wheels for me.  We looked on Craigslist, CarMax, AutoNation and a bunch of other sites.  We researched which vans had what features, and which models were most reliable.  My husband spent a full Saturday visiting dealerships.

On Monday, we ventured out together as a team.  He'd been looking at Chrysler Town & Country vans and wanted to take me to see one at a dealer he had visited about a half hour from us.  Unfortunately, it was in the service bay and couldn't be seen again until the next day.  So we headed down to another dealer to look at another T & C.  My son-in-law, who is a mechanic, even came over to look at it.   The price was right, and we nearly bought it, but...

Something in my Mama Radar wasn't happy.  First of all, it was supposed to be a seven passenger van, but the rear seat was actually two bucket seats right next to each other with a third seat belt spanning the gap and some hard plastic joints jutting up.  In other words, it was possible for three to sit there, but only comfortable for two.  That would not be good if we were running at full capacity, such as when I take six kids on a 2,000 mile vacation next month.  Then, too, you couldn't move the two middle row seats forward to make more leg room for the back ones, and it was pretty tight.  There was very little storage space behind the back row.  Where would we put luggage?  And the only air conditioning vents were in the front.  Oh, I could imagine the whining that can ensue from lack of space and fresh air on even a short trip.

So... I held out.  The dealership had wi-fi, so I popped onto my handy little iPod Touch and looked up one last dealer, Greenway Dodge, a bit further away.  They had a Dodge Caravan in our price range, so off we went.  I'm glad we did.  The salesman, Craig Kennedy, was willing to work with us to bring the price down, throw in a warranty, and even top off the gas tank for us.  And I love this van!  My kids are SO excited with it, even after several days.

This van has a comfortable back bench seat, with air conditioning vents on each side.  The seats (in two sections) can fold and flip backward into the Stow and Go back storage area to make plenty of cargo space.  

When the seats are not flipped down into the Stow and Go area, there is ample room back there -- both horizontally and vertically -- for suitcases or groceries or whatever else I'm hauling around.  

See?  I told you so!  I can't wait to pack for vacation!

The two middle row seats slide forward and back.  They, too, can fold down and flip forward into a storage area underneath the flip-up floor panels.  This gives a LOT of cargo space if I want to haul something bigger. That's good, because I'm known to pick up free furniture off of curbs. :-)

Grand Caravans come with different features.  This is just how ours is configured.  There are automatic sliding doors on both sides, too.  Sweet!  I've heard that the Grand Caravans are more reliable than the Town & Country vans, too.  That makes this Mama even happier.  I'm glad I didn't settle.

Now that I've bragged on my van a little, I'm thinking philosophically about the downsizing part of the story.  Wow.  I now have five "kids" who are adults, including two who are married.  I even have two small grandchildren who live nearby.  My youngest is almost eight.  Two more of my adult daughters will probably move out this year, and we can shuffle the bedrooms again.  Two of my older kids will even get their own rooms for the first time. Glory!  Where did the time go?  I spent nearly 20 years pregnant and/or nursing, with only short gaps in between nurturing babies inside or outside the womb.  That took quite a toll on my body and my soul, and still I'm feeling the effects now. 

We were so idealistic starting out, but it hasn't been easy. There have been a lot of twists and turns and potholes along the journey.  I still have a good many years of mothering to go, and with the help of a Christian counselor, I'm learning to pace myself and rethink my paradigms about what it means to be a good enough parent.  I want to finish well, for my family and for me personally.  It's not exactly going to look like my original ideals, but life changes.  At least I've got a sweet Grand Cherryvan to ride in! 

How about you?  Leave a comment and tell me...

How has life changed you?  Are you upsizing or downsizing?  Having more babies or are your adult children moving away, or both at the same time?  How have your views shifted since you became a mother or entered a new season of life?  Or, on a more practical note, what are you driving and do you like it?

Grace,
Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Our Chill Out Spot

Welcome to our chill out spot!

What's that?

Back story: In a large home schooling family like ours, kids often get stressed out being together all the time.  When that happens, they are more likely to bicker.  And when THAT happens, Mom gets spazzed too.  Not good.

So...  Our Christian family therapist recommended that we create a chill out spot somewhere in our house.  It's just a comfy cozy corner, even in a room that others might normally be in.  It's a place to go when you're feeling edgy or just in need of some solitude.

Rule # 1 is that if you're in there, no one else is supposed to bother you or even talk to you!  Period!

We picked a corner of the living room, wedged between the piano and the couch.  The movable wall/door is a blanket rack - with a blanket on it, of course!  We did have to move out a large fish tank to make room.

A view from the top with big pillows, a bean bag chair,and a Sesame Street sleeping bag.

That yellow bin? It's full of dried beans. Six pounds of pintos and great northerns, to be exact. Apparently, it's therapeutic to plunge your hands into the beans and play around with them.  Yes, it works.

Rule #2:  Beans stay in the bin.  My grandson didn't quite get that memo.

Rule #3: No food or drink except for water.  We don't want to attract bugs.

There's another smaller bin, this one with tiny fidget toys like interlocking erasers. We even have a stress ball to squeeze and a snow globe to shake.

Rule #4: Don't take stuff out of the chill out spot.  Not sure where the stress ball is right now...

 And a pile of picture books...

So far, our chill out spot has been a big hit.

One glitch: the first night, one child pitched a fit because she wanted another turn... Oh my.  Since then, it's been pretty cool.  And it's been pretty well occupied by our five younger kids, ages 7 to 16.  In fact, all three nights, a different kid was sleeping in there.

The chill out spot is preventive medicine.  It's where kids send themselves for a time out before they (or you) blow up.  It's also restorative medicine -- good for after blow ups too!

Got kids with stress?  Give it a try!

You might also like:

• The 12 P's of Stress Busting for Moms
• Amazing Grace for Home School Moms (audio)
• Tender Compassion for Mothers

Want to see the way the rest of my living room looks? (Or should look? Ha!)

Welcome to Our Living Room

Grace,

Virginia Knowles

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com