Kaleidoscope (Big Words)

What is this?

It's my blooming kaleidoscope flower!

I created it today at the Refresh retreat 

hosted by my friend Sandy.

It was a mostly silent retreat, 

and I'll write more about it later on another blog.

But for now, just the story behind the picture.

It started here on the couch,

before I even picked up my colors. 

In my private devotional time

reading through Colossians.

I wrote down key words

and pondered how they applied to me.

I came in weary and grieving this morning.

Last year, my most challenging ever,

left me feeling fragmented.

It's not yet over.

Today, in my meditations on 

Scripture and my tumultuous life,

I thought of the word:

KALEIDOSCOPE

Broken pieces,

raised to the light,

jumbled and reflected,

turned and turned

and raised up again,

ever-changing 

beautiful patterns:

redemption.

Why yes, I did just write an impromptu poem.

So when we sat down at the art tables,

while the others made collages,

I knew what I would draw with markers instead.

My outlines uneven,

shading splotchy,

as my life often is also.

I started filling in around the edges.

The words came from 

my morning's journaling

chapter by chapter in Colossians in my

well-worn Bible, which has a story of its own.

 I apply words of TRUTH

to the broken places of my life.

Love

Wisdom

Grace

Truth

Joy

Glory

Hope

Peace

Reverence

Gratitude

Encouragement

Growth

Devotion

Treasure

Endurance

Prayer

Singing

Service

Reality

Unity

Fullness

Strength

Sincerity

And on the stem, the words:

Rooted

Growing

Bearing Fruit

That's what I want to be and do.

At the end of the day,

one of the sweet ladies shared

what a blessing it was 

that she saw me blossom into joy

during the day

as I spent extended quiet time with God.

It happens that way,

doesn't it?

More later.

Oh, here it is now, two weeks later!

Two more posts featuring this retreat!

Refresh Retreat

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Virginia

www.comewearymoms.blogspot.com

You Have Loved Us First (Prayers by Søren Kierkegaard)

"You Have Loved Us First"

(Prayers by Søren Kierkegaard)

Father in heaven! 

You have loved us first; 

help us never forget that you are love 

so that this sure conviction 

might triumph in our hearts 

over seduction of the world, 

over the disquiet of the soul, 

over anxiety for the future, 

over the fright of the past, 

over distress of the moment. 

 

But grant also that this conviction 

might discipline our soul 

so that our hearts might remain 

faithful and sincere, 

in the love which we bear 

to all those whom you have 

commanded us to love as we love ourselves.

Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

I found this in on my iPod today in a rather random place in my notepad.  I'm not sure where I saw it originally last year, but it speaks to me this morning right where I am.  There is so much going on in our lives, it is easy to fret.  I need to find that calm conviction.

Here is another Kierkegaard prayer that I found...

You have loved us first, O God, alas! 

We speak of it in terms of history 

as if You loved us first but a single time, 

rather than that without ceasing. 

  

You have loved us first many times 

and everyday and our whole life through. 

When we wake up in the morning 

and turn our soul toward You – 

You were there first – You have loved us first; 

if I rise at dawn and at that same second 

turn my soul toward You in prayer, 

You are there ahead of me, You have loved me first.

When I withdraw from the distractions of the day 

and turn my soul toward You, 

You are there first and thus forever. 

And we speak ungratefully as if 

You have loved us first only once. 

 

The other day while traveling in North Carolina on our way home from vacation, I purchased the book A Brief Guide to Ideas by William Raeper and Linda Edwards.   As a mom trying to be a good example to her kids, I believe in stretching my brain and learning new things, and I figured that a taste of philosophy from a Christian perspective might do me some good.  I'm glad to see there is a chapter on Kierkegaard, a Danish Christian philosopher who believed in experiencing God by faith and continually choosing to renew that trust.  I know I wouldn't agree with much of what he wrote discounting the value of reason.  Yet I am touched by his childlike faith expressed in these prayers, especially in light of the fact that his own childhood in a pietist home is described as "isolated and unhappy" and "deeply affected by the guilt and religious gloom of his father."  (See how American naturalist John Muir responded to the same kind of upbringing: The Fruits of Harsh Parenting.)

I want my children to experience joy and liberty in their faith in Jesus, rather than rigid duty and a sense of spiritual failure.  I want them to be who God uniquely created them to be. I want us all to be in a close relationship with God. I can't choose faith for my children, but I can model it as I "withdraw from the distractions of the day" and overcome "the disquiet of the soul." That is a challenge for me. I need God's help, the reminders of his love that I find in Kierkegaard's prayers. "Grant that conviction might discipline our soul" so that I, too, can be faithful, sincere and loving - as God is and wants me to be.

What about you?

Virginia Knowles

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

P.S. The zinnia and butterfly photos in this post were also taken on our way home, the same afternoon as I bought the philosophy book. You can see more of my botanical photos from Sarah P. Duke Gardens in North Carolina.

Words of Promise, Comfort and Encouragement

Dear friends,

Yesterday, in my post Weekend Gratitude: In Every Situation on one of my other blogs, I mentioned that I had compiled a box of Scripture encouragement cards as a gift for my cousin Jean.  These are some of the passages I included.  I can think of many others that I would like to have copied out for her but I have an injured writing hand just now.  It's even been a little hard just to copy and paste today from www.BibleGateway.com. I'll try to make a list of them later. :-)  These verses are all NIV, most of them from the 1984 edition that I prefer.

What are your favorite Bible verses?  Share them in a comment below!

I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. Isaiah 45:3

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever. Isaiah 55:12-13 

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. Psalm 30:4-5, 10-13 

The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high; he will fill Zion with his justice and righteousness. He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the Lord is the key to this treasure. Isaiah 33:5-6 

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 2 Peter 1:3-4 

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. From the Lord comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people. Selah  Psalm 3:3-5, 8 

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty. Zechariah 4:6b 

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10b 

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:56-58 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:2-3, 29, 32 

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men,that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14 

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2 

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.  Be joyful in hope,patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.  Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:9-18 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:5-7  

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.  But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.  James 3:13, 17-18 

Grace and peace to your and your family today,

Virginia Knowles

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Linked to Word-Filled Wednesday

Fiesta and Siesta, Celebration and Rest

Yellow Iris at Cranes Roost

Last Friday night, my husband and I wanted to go out for a date night.  I looked on a friend's blog and found that there would be a free blues concert at one of our favorite places to stroll, Cranes Roost, a park with a boardwalk around a lake adjacent to a shopping mall.  The picture of these yellow irises looks out over the lake, with lighted buildings and the night sky in the background.



The theme of the Project 52 photo meme this week is "Fiesta or Siesta."  Thinking of that, truthfully, both of us were so exhausted that we crashed at home for a half hour before we even went out for our date.  So I guess we had our "siesta" before we had our "fiesta."  The park was full of loud music and people, since apparently they were hosting a wine festival at the same time, and two other musicians were playing not too far away from the blues group.  We really only listened to a few of the songs before heading off to walk around the lake, and then going home to crash again.  We are such party animals aren't we?  Hey, it was free!  Anyway, the irises seemed so quiet and restful in the middle of such goings on.  At the same time, the colors of the yellow petals under the street light (or is it path light or boardwalk light?) seem a little gaudy and festive, like they were flamenco dancers or something.  Yeah, flamenco and the blues and a little James Taylor from the other band.  What a mishmash.


I thought some more about "fiesta and siesta" or in Bible language "jubilee and shalom" or simply "joy and peace." In my life, I know that authentic celebration and rest flow out of trust.  It is hard for me to genuinely celebrate or rest with someone I can't trust.  My guard is up too much.  That certainly goes for relationships with other people.  That goes for God, too, though in his case, it's not that I can't trust him (since he is utterly trustworthy) but that my misconceptions of who he is sometimes sway me from being confident of his love and grace.  And when it is hard to trust, the problem is compounded by the shame that comes from doubting him.  What kind of Christian am I, anyway?  A normal one, I guess!  God is big enough, tough enough and yet tender enough, to handle whatever doubts I have.  The more I trust, the more I can calm the angst and learn to worship freely again.


My counselor, Roger Shepherd, recently handed me a book, The Cure: What If God Isn't Who You Think He Is and Neither Are You? by John Lynch, Bruce McNichol, and Bill Thrall.  I haven't finished reading it yet, but even the opening chapters remind me of an audio message by John Lynch that I heard a couple of years ago, as well an on-line video clip called "When You Get Tired Enough" covering much the same material. You can find it on my other blog here: Grace.  It's about living by God's grace rather than striving after religious performance.  It certainly ties in rather closely with the celebration and rest theme.  I'll try to write more about it later when I've finished it.


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30


"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."  Psalm 30:11-12

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these."  Matthew 6:27-29

.

Peace and joy, my friends!


Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Hope, Joy, and Pineapple Coconut Bundt Cake

Dear friends,

Last night, Lake Baldwin Church's women gathered for an encouraging evening called "Drinking from the Well."  Monica Taffinder, a Christian counselor who is co-founder of Grace Clinic, shared on the topic of "Celebrating Hope and Joy in the Midst of Our Realities."  Many of the thoughts I am writing here are ones she expressed, while others are my own observations.  Then there is the silly little story of the pineapple coconut bundt cake I brought.


Celebrating hope and joy? The reality is that many Christian women experience disappointment, disillusionment and depression.  Many of us face multiple simultaneous stresses, whether taking care of young children or elderly parents, marriage crises, infertility, wayward teens, church conflicts, financial distress, loneliness, or even general anxiety about what it going on in our communities and the world around us.


Hope and joy can be hard to find, especially when we confuse hope with expectation and joy with happiness.




A hope is something that we want to happen, that could possibly happen.  We all desire healthy families, nurturing friendships, personal significance, and meaningful work.  We are supposed to hope for and work toward these things!  And yet our hope is not to be in these things or in our efforts, but in God, who is the good giver. We must trust that he will provide what we need, but not always what we want, and that what he gives us will be not only sufficient, but what is best.




An expectation is something that we think must happen for us to be satisfied.  A desire becomes a demand.  Unmet expectations can lead to anger and depression, so we feel like we have to control things and people to get what we want.  (In some cases, this need for control is a survival function left over from a chaotic or dysfunctional childhood.)  Many of our expectations are tied to our ideals and to our identities: "If I were a really good mom, I would...." or, for those who educate at home, "The children in godly home school families should turn out like this..."  And when we don't, or when they don't?  We try to force it!  Or we become judgmental, grumpy, guilt-ridden, spazzed out, or worse.  Besides our own expectations, we also need to be aware of how we respond to the expectations that others have for us.  Do we allow our ability (or not) to satisfy unreasonable demands from others to determine our sense of value?  Do we strive for perfect performance because we crave approval, or do we evaluate what is sensible, set our healthy boundaries, and choose to live as God himself has called us?  Just because someone else thinks you need to do it doesn't mean that you should do it.  Just because someone says that this is what good Christians do, doesn't mean that it is.  Learn to listen to God for what he wants you to do.




Back to our own hopes and desires, what are we to do when we want something out of life?  I like the picture of holding my desires before the Lord with an open hand, waiting to see what he will do.  That doesn't mean passivity.  We are still supposed to do our part!


What about joy? It's not the same as happiness, which is wonderful but fleeting.  Joy is connected to a sense of gratitude, as well as acceptance (not complacency) and forgiveness (not a denial of the hurt).  Joy and grief can co-exist. In fact, if you don't allow yourself to acknowledge and properly grieve what is wrong in your life, you can get stuck.  Then it is harder to move on toward embracing and appreciating what is right in your life, even though the bad stuff doesn't go away.  


Through it all, we need to stay connected to God, the source of joy.  Unfortunately, some of us equate religious activity with an authentic relationship with God to the point where piety becomes a substitute for intimacy. Merely going through the motions on the outside depletes our inner joy instead of replenishing it.  White-washed tomb, anyone?  Yet if we really truly knew how much God loves us and is for us, how much he rejoices over us in Christ, wouldn't we want to listen to him, trust him, and grow deep in him?  I don't know about you, but sometimes this is a struggle for me.


If our hope and joy are in God rather than in our circumstances or our performance, then we are also free to be bold.  We can move forward with confidence and not worry about a bit of failure or disapproval along the way.  We can take risks, starting with little ones like pineapple coconut bundt cake...

Pineapple Coconut Bundt Cake with Glaze
(the dark spots on the inside 
are hollow pockets -- oops!)

I had signed up to bring a sweet treat to the Drinking from the Well gathering.  Wanting a dessert that is a little out of the ordinary, I decided to make a pineapple coconut bundt cake.  The complication is that I didn't have a recipe!  I could have looked one up on the Internet, but I like to experiment on my own. I figured it would be easy enough to combine two boxes of yellow cake mix (along with the eggs, oil and a reduced amount of water), a can of crushed pineapple, and a cup of shredded coconut.  I poured most of it in the bundt pan, and then the rest into a loaf pan.  I pureed a little more pineapple, mixed it with brown sugar, and boiled it down to make a glaze to spread over the cake after it cooled.  When I took it out of the refrigerator the next day, I was surprised to find that it had sort of collapsed in the middle, and that there were some large hollow pockets inside.  It looked a little... weird!  I guess I had used too much batter in the pan!  Certainly not the perfect bundt cake. Hmmm.  Was it good enough to take to the ladies' gathering, or should I buy some cookies instead?  I scraped off the uneven parts from the middle and tasted them.  Very very gooey, but definitely delicious!   Did it really matter what it looked like?  No!  I knew that my friends weren't going to judge me on my cake's appearance.  I didn't need to feel insecure, so I was more than willing to take the risk.  As it turned out, my friends all raved about how it tasted and laughed with me about my "cake wreck" story.  Honestly, by the time I sliced it, you couldn't tell that it had "issues" to begin with!


Seriously though, I want to say more about my friends at church.  It's not just my cake that they accept.  I have experienced their warmth toward me ever since I stepped out of my car in the parking lot that first Sunday morning in September 2010.  I hadn't even gotten to the building yet before a dear lady heard my car door close, turned around, noticed a new face, and walked back to greet me.  The friendliness from people in the church continued, and it wasn't just the "love bombing" hype that some newcomers experience.  Whether it is inviting us over for a meal, or picking up our kids for youth group, or giving them a partial scholarship to summer camp, or dropping everything to come be with us in a time of need, or taking the time to tell me they liked my latest blog post, we have felt their kindness, hospitality, and generosity. Over the past year and a half I have found them willing to listen and help when I've shared some of the less-than-perfect places of my life, some of the hard situations with no easy answers.  And you know what?  My stories don't alarm them, because many of them have already been-there-done-that, and aren't afraid to say it.  My gratitude for them gives me great joy.  Their acceptance gives me great hope and comfort.  And that is becoming my new reality.


I can't end this post without sharing a music video of Sara Groves singing "Less Like Scars."  (If you are reading this via e-mail or blog reader, you'll have to visit the post on-line to view it.) Honestly, when my husband gave me this CD many years ago, I listened to it a few times but just didn't really "get" it.  It wasn't until later, in the storms of life that it sank in.




"Less Like Scars"
by Sara Groves

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here And you're picking up the pieces 

Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars 

And more like character

~*~*~

Hope and joy!

Virginia Knowles

www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

Heading out the door, my two youngest daughters and one of their best buddies (who is fortunately our next door neighbor) announced their intention to parade around the block wearing silly dress up clothes.  Never mind that they cut the fingers off of a pair of gloves -- this is Florida!  The rain was barely spitting, but just enough to justify bringing out the frilly peach umbrella that her sister gave her for her birthday last month.  After all, girls just wanna have fun! They grow up so fast, so I just knew this was a not-to-miss photo op.  Thank goodness I always have my iPod in my pocket (unless, of course, it is in my hand)!  I'm sure the neighbors all got a smile!

It was only later that I realized how well the first picture fit in with the P52 photo theme for the week, The "Eyes" of March.  Have you ever seen such eyes of impish joy?  Check out those oversize specs!   And as for the March part, well, I guess the umbrellas say it all.  In the first photo, I like the warm glow on the peach umbrella and how the blue umbrella blocks out the pickup truck.  I can also sense the energy and movement in both pictures, especially with the placement of hands and feet.  Rock stars in the making?

Come, weary moms!  Enjoy the moment and absorb the joy!

Tell me: What do your girls do for fun?  Leave a comment!

I post a photo each week for Project 52!

This Friday's theme: The "Eyes" of March. 

I post P52 photos on two of my blogs: 

• P52 Posts on Come, Weary Moms
• P52 Posts on Virginia's Life, Such As It Is