Showing posts with label My Children and Grandchildren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Children and Grandchildren. Show all posts

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Quiet in Our Own Land


“I gather you want to conquer the whole world,” replied the philosopher.  “What will you do when you have conquered all?”

“Why then,” said the king, “we will return and enjoy ourselves in quiet in our own land.”

“So may you now,” said Cineas, “without all this ado.”

So goes the story about King Pyhrrus, as told in Awake My Soul: Practical Spirituality for Busy People by Timothy Jones.  As history tells us, Pyhrrus won battles, but at a devastating price.  That's where we get the phrase "Pyhrric victory" - the struggles that end up ruining the victor.

Just something to think about as we go about our days.  Why do we do what we do?  Is it to conquer for the sake of conquest -- to get more but enjoy less?  Or is to live authentically with a love of peace and beauty? There is a time to go out and fight against injustice.  I, too, find ways to make a global and local impact, not for my own glory and gain, but for the sake of real peace and prosperity for real people.  As a writer, I live by the maxim, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” 

But then there is this family, this home, this quiet life that I treasure.  As they also say, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”  My kids aren’t babies anymore, but they still need me.  I still need to restore more calm and order to our chaotic little world. I still need to delight in the joys of the simple life.  I will take the quiet in my own land.



"The fruit of that 
righteousness will be peace; 
its effect will be quietness 
and confidence forever. 
My people will live in 
peaceful dwelling places, 
in secure homes, 
in undisturbed places of rest." 
Isaiah 32:17-18

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Mom's Chauffeur and Courier Service (A Little Encouragement)


My day "off" started off not with a bang, but my teenager's gentle voice around 6:30 in the morning: "Mom, I missed the bus.  I tried to let you sleep as late as I could, but I need a ride to school."  Huh?  What?  Oh.  Up I go. Change into day clothes, keys in hand, we can do this.  Let's enjoy the beautiful sunrise and a little time spent with a very sweet son.  I'm a mom of 10 with seven still living at home, so one-on-one time is precious.


I got home in time to make sure my youngest daughter's hair was combed and that my youngest son was out of bed.  Keys in hand, off to the elementary school several blocks away.   Then home again in time to eat some breakfast and take another daughter and a neighbor to their middle school bus top several blocks away.  Done yet with driving?  I thought so...


But no.  Within minutes, I got a text from my daughter that she had left the Cheetos for a class party in the van.  Could I bring them to school for her at lunch time?  Sure, why not.  Not so far away, eh?


And then, and then, I got a call from one of my adult daughters asking for a "big favor, Mom."   Could I bring the set of her paint brushes she had left on her bed? As soon as possible, please?  I had to laugh.  Yep, got it.  I took a shower, threw some laundry in the washer, printed out my To Do list for the next few days.  Keys in hand, off to the college to bring my amazing artist her tools.  (I can't wait to go see the college's juried art show opening night next week.  She had six pieces accepted for display, out of the 60 total. Did I say she is an amazing artist?)


On the way back from from the college, I decided to take advantage of being in that end of town and stopped by an antique store I spotted.  The owner was just unlocking the door, a half hour past the regular opening time.  Chatting with her in the store, I discovered her morning had been much like mine, running around town taking care of stuff for her adult son's family since he was sick.  We both smiled and agreed: "We do for family."  Yes we do.


After sorting a huge laundry pile into baskets for the kids to fold, and then doing a little prep work for school (I teach three days a week), I crashed for a much needed nap in the afternoon.  My husband kindly offered to pick up two kids from school, and another from a bus stop.  But I still needed to take one son to work at Chick-Fil-A.  The two youngest each had a coupon for a free small pizza from Dominoes. Yes, we could stop by on the way home, couldn't we?  Sure, why not?  At least I didn't have to make dinner, right?  Except that when we got there, we found out they didn't take those "Student Reward" coupons, which were issued by a store several miles north.  Just as well, that would give me time to order ahead by phone so we wouldn't have to wait long.  Off we go again. Serendipitously, this Dominoes was right next to a used book store I had been wanting to visit since I had seen it on the way home from the college in the morning.  And even better, they take trades, and I just happened to have a bag of books in the van that I had intended to sell at a different bookstore closer to home.  I was able to find three very encouraging and timely books to apply my store credit from what they wanted from me.  Yes!  My son was also enthralled with their amazing manga collection.  And eating pizza in the van.  His very own pizza.  All for him, and all gone now!


    
So yeah, today I've been "Mom's Chauffeur and Courier Service."  Lest you think my kids are taking advantage of me, it's rare that one of them needs to be bailed out, and truth be told, they bail me out just as often by driving a sibling to work, picking up something at the store, making dinner when I'm rushed, baby sitting, helping the younger ones with homework...  It's all good.

It's been a day.  A good day. A Mom day.  But now, my keys are in my purse!




Oh yes, those books!  Here is such a relevant snippet from one of them, starting on the very first page.
"And it's not uncommon to find ourselves wondering, How does this whole crazy puzzle fit together?  Anne Morrow Lindbergh observed somewhere in her timeless little book, Gift from the Sea, that most of us don't really mind pouring our lives out for a reason.  What we do resent is the feeling that it is being dribbled away in small, meaningless drips for no good reason."  For me, one of the greatest frustrations of walking through the "dailiness" of my life is that I don't always get to see how the bits and pieces of who I am fit into the big picture of God's plan.  It's tempting to see my life as a meal here, a meeting there, a carpool, a phone call, a sack of groceries -- all disjointed fragments of nothing in particular.  Yet I know I am called, as God's child, to believe that they do add up.  That in some way every scrap of my life, every step and every struggle, is in the process of being fitted together into God's huge and perfect pattern for good (Romans 8:28).  As difficult as that is to "live into" daily, it had become for me a transforming truth, adding meaning to the mundane and purpose to the plodding."  (Kaleidscope: God's Pattern in the Bits & Pieces of a Woman's Life by Claire Cloninger)
(I picked up the book because the concept of the kaleidoscope is one I've been pondering lately.  You can see more here: Kaleidoscope.)

Grace and peace,

Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com



Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Our Road Trip and a Little Care Giving



Dear friends,

If you read this Come, Weary Moms blog but not my others, you might wonder where I've been.  The answer?

Traveling north!

I've been on an extended road trip with my six younger kids, ages 7 to 18.  We left Florida in June 24, took three days to travel seeing sights along the way, and have been staying at my parents' home in Maryland ever since.  My 18 year old daughter is flying home today, but the rest of us are leaving in our mini-van Friday morning, stopping at the Manassas National Battlefield (Civil War) on our way out of the D.C. area.  By the time we get home this Sunday, we'll have been gone for three whole weeks.  


I'm really glad that my cousin Jean lent us her GPS when we stopped to see her in Chapel Hill on the way up.  It's been a huge help getting around town on our frequent forays.  We'll give it back to her on the way back down!  I always look forward to seeing her and her sister Marge.  They have been so kind to us.  This trip, they loaded us up with road trip snacks!



Anyway, even though I haven't written here on this blog, I have posted a photographic series on Traveling North.  Here are the links so far:

    My mom and her mom,
    who  hadn't seen each other in over a month.
    I had been wanting to drive to Maryland this year already, but then my mom called and said that since she was having two surgeries this year and couldn't make it to Florida, she and Dad would pitch in for gas and hotels so we could come up.  What we didn't know then is that three weeks after her back surgery, she wouldn't even be home yet.  She's been bouncing back and forth from hospital to rehab because of severe complications, including a MERSA infection on the steel rod in her spine. So part of our time has been spent visiting her!  I'm glad we could be here to help cheer her up and relieve my sister from non-stop care giving.  We have also visited my 98 year old grandmother in her nursing home and taken her to see my mom in rehab.  As of yesterday, Mom is back in the hospital again.  I took the flower picture at the top of this post near the hospital chapel yesterday.  More flower pictures from when I flew up to Maryland by myself last month: A Bouquet for My Mommy.

    One of the practical things I did is clean out the refrigerator and reorganize the kitchen.  I know Mom is going to be limited in bending over, lifting, twisting, etc.  So I tried to put things where she could easily reach them, or where my sister or a hired home helper could easily find them.  I even labeled cupboards and drawers.  I tossed out old food and put other opened food (like nuts and crackers and cereal) in Tupperware and Rubbermaid.  I put all the mugs in the same cupboard as the coffee and tea.  I moved less used appliances -- like the meat slicer that my late grandfather used until he died a few years ago -- from prime spaces to less accessible places.  I bought some fresh dish towels.  That sort of thing.  It took me several hours, but I had a blast!  Occasionally, I would look out the kitchen window and see a deer grazing in the yard.  Beautiful.

    We did have a few mishaps on our trip -- a parking ticket, smoke coming out of the van, stitches in the emergency room, a lost child in a big place, a really bad rash that required a doctor visit, a few broken dishes, and what else?   I'm trying to be the Chill Mom and take things in stride.  Handing out quarters (for good behavior) and chocolate (just because!) in the van sure helps keep kids happy, as does a lap top, a pile of DVDs, and a collection of iPods.  

    I also taped a decorative coaster to my dash board that says "Blessed are the gentle."  When I start stressing out while driving, I just reach up an pat it as a reminder.  I bought the same one for my mom for her hospital room as a "gentle" reminder for the nurses.  Most of them have been perfectly lovely.

    Much as I have enjoyed our travels, I'm looking forward to getting home and spending some time with my husband, four oldest daughters, and two adorable grandsons.  My fourth daughter is leaving for a semester in Australia and New Zealand later this month, and my second daughter and her husband just arrived home from a mission trip to Bolivia this past week.  We've got a lot of appointments coming up, too, including an interview for a part-time teaching job in a home/private hybrid school.

    While I've been gone, I have also added two new posts to my Strength in Hymn series at Watch the Shepherd.


    Older posts in that series:

    Until next time,

    Virginia Knowles
    www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

    Linking here next Wednesday:

  • Adorned from Above
  • Raising Homemakers
  • Whole-Hearted Home
  • Wise Woman Link Up
  • Walking Redeemed


  • Friday, May 24, 2013

    Downsizing to a Mini-Van


    Dear friends,

    I've got new wheels!  Well, maybe not NEW new, but new to me.  We finally downsized to a mini-van, a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan that I call my Grand Cherryvan.  

    Most families have to UPsize to a mini-van, but I've been driving a full-size (11 or 15 passenger) van for the past 16 years since the sixth of our ten children was born.  Until last week, that is.  Now I'm only ever driving around 5 kids, and our big van was a gas hog, so it was time to scale down to something with much better MPG.  My husband put an ad on Craigslist to sell our old green Ford van, and it was promptly claimed by a home schooling family who is expecting their seventh baby (all under eight years old!) and moving to Tennessee to live off the land.  Godspeed to them.

    Then came the work of finding wheels for me.  We looked on Craigslist, CarMax, AutoNation and a bunch of other sites.  We researched which vans had what features, and which models were most reliable.  My husband spent a full Saturday visiting dealerships.

    On Monday, we ventured out together as a team.  He'd been looking at Chrysler Town & Country vans and wanted to take me to see one at a dealer he had visited about a half hour from us.  Unfortunately, it was in the service bay and couldn't be seen again until the next day.  So we headed down to another dealer to look at another T & C.  My son-in-law, who is a mechanic, even came over to look at it.   The price was right, and we nearly bought it, but...

    Something in my Mama Radar wasn't happy.  First of all, it was supposed to be a seven passenger van, but the rear seat was actually two bucket seats right next to each other with a third seat belt spanning the gap and some hard plastic joints jutting up.  In other words, it was possible for three to sit there, but only comfortable for two.  That would not be good if we were running at full capacity, such as when I take six kids on a 2,000 mile vacation next month.  Then, too, you couldn't move the two middle row seats forward to make more leg room for the back ones, and it was pretty tight.  There was very little storage space behind the back row.  Where would we put luggage?  And the only air conditioning vents were in the front.  Oh, I could imagine the whining that can ensue from lack of space and fresh air on even a short trip.

    So... I held out.  The dealership had wi-fi, so I popped onto my handy little iPod Touch and looked up one last dealer, Greenway Dodge, a bit further away.  They had a Dodge Caravan in our price range, so off we went.  I'm glad we did.  The salesman, Craig Kennedy, was willing to work with us to bring the price down, throw in a warranty, and even top off the gas tank for us.  And I love this van!  My kids are SO excited with it, even after several days.

    This van has a comfortable back bench seat, with air conditioning vents on each side.  The seats (in two sections) can fold and flip backward into the Stow and Go back storage area to make plenty of cargo space.  


    When the seats are not flipped down into the Stow and Go area, there is ample room back there -- both horizontally and vertically -- for suitcases or groceries or whatever else I'm hauling around.  


    See?  I told you so!  I can't wait to pack for vacation!


    The two middle row seats slide forward and back.  They, too, can fold down and flip forward into a storage area underneath the flip-up floor panels.  This gives a LOT of cargo space if I want to haul something bigger. That's good, because I'm known to pick up free furniture off of curbs. :-)



    Grand Caravans come with different features.  This is just how ours is configured.  There are automatic sliding doors on both sides, too.  Sweet!  I've heard that the Grand Caravans are more reliable than the Town & Country vans, too.  That makes this Mama even happier.  I'm glad I didn't settle.

    Now that I've bragged on my van a little, I'm thinking philosophically about the downsizing part of the story.  Wow.  I now have five "kids" who are adults, including two who are married.  I even have two small grandchildren who live nearby.  My youngest is almost eight.  Two more of my adult daughters will probably move out this year, and we can shuffle the bedrooms again.  Two of my older kids will even get their own rooms for the first time. Glory!  Where did the time go?  I spent nearly 20 years pregnant and/or nursing, with only short gaps in between nurturing babies inside or outside the womb.  That took quite a toll on my body and my soul, and still I'm feeling the effects now. 

    We were so idealistic starting out, but it hasn't been easy. There have been a lot of twists and turns and potholes along the journey.  I still have a good many years of mothering to go, and with the help of a Christian counselor, I'm learning to pace myself and rethink my paradigms about what it means to be a good enough parent.  I want to finish well, for my family and for me personally.  It's not exactly going to look like my original ideals, but life changes.  At least I've got a sweet Grand Cherryvan to ride in! 

    How about you?  Leave a comment and tell me...

    How has life changed you?  Are you upsizing or downsizing?  Having more babies or are your adult children moving away, or both at the same time?  How have your views shifted since you became a mother or entered a new season of life?  Or, on a more practical note, what are you driving and do you like it?

    Grace,
    Virginia Knowles
    www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

    Tuesday, May 7, 2013

    Our Chill Out Spot


    Welcome to our chill out spot!


    What's that?

    Back story: In a large home schooling family like ours, kids often get stressed out being together all the time.  When that happens, they are more likely to bicker.  And when THAT happens, Mom gets spazzed too.  Not good.

    So...  Our Christian family therapist recommended that we create a chill out spot somewhere in our house.  It's just a comfy cozy corner, even in a room that others might normally be in.  It's a place to go when you're feeling edgy or just in need of some solitude.

    Rule # 1 is that if you're in there, no one else is supposed to bother you or even talk to you!  Period!

    We picked a corner of the living room, wedged between the piano and the couch.  The movable wall/door is a blanket rack - with a blanket on it, of course!  We did have to move out a large fish tank to make room.


    A view from the top with big pillows, a bean bag chair,and a Sesame Street sleeping bag.


    That yellow bin? It's full of dried beans. Six pounds of pintos and great northerns, to be exact. Apparently, it's therapeutic to plunge your hands into the beans and play around with them.  Yes, it works.

    Rule #2:  Beans stay in the bin.  My grandson didn't quite get that memo.


    Rule #3: No food or drink except for water.  We don't want to attract bugs.

    There's another smaller bin, this one with tiny fidget toys like interlocking erasers. We even have a stress ball to squeeze and a snow globe to shake.

    Rule #4: Don't take stuff out of the chill out spot.  Not sure where the stress ball is right now...



     And a pile of picture books...



    So far, our chill out spot has been a big hit.

    One glitch: the first night, one child pitched a fit because she wanted another turn... Oh my.  Since then, it's been pretty cool.  And it's been pretty well occupied by our five younger kids, ages 7 to 16.  In fact, all three nights, a different kid was sleeping in there.

    The chill out spot is preventive medicine.  It's where kids send themselves for a time out before they (or you) blow up.  It's also restorative medicine -- good for after blow ups too!

    Got kids with stress?  Give it a try!

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    Want to see the way the rest of my living room looks? (Or should look? Ha!)

    Welcome to Our Living Room


    Grace,
    Virginia Knowles



    Monday, April 22, 2013

    25 Years Later, Looking Back on a Miscarriage

    Twenty-five years ago today...

    I miscarried our second baby at six weeks.

    I wrote about this five years ago and a relative told me how much it meant to her, since she had just experienced a miscarriage herself.  Here is an updated version of it...


    ~*~*~


    Several of my dear friends have had miscarriages in the past year or so. I know at least a little of how they feel, because I miscarried our second baby on April 22, 1988, when our oldest was about ten months old. 

    I remember my friend Darlene warning me, "You may feel fine now, but in a couple of weeks you might have a hormonal backlash. You may feel really horrible for a while, but it's normal. Don't think you are going crazy." I'm not sure I believed her at the time, but she was right. Two weeks after my miscarriage, my emotions went wild for several days. I was edgy and angry, like a monster case of PMS. So when I hear of a mama who has had a miscarriage, I pass along that helpful tip. Most of the women I have talked to have confirmed it to be true. If you have a miscarriage or stillbirth, do allow yourself to grieve your loss, even as you learn to accept it. Get your rest. Your body and soul need it. 

    If you have lost a little one, I also encourage you to be comforted by the testimonies and counsel of others who know what it is like. You can find many web sites and books on the topic of pregnancy loss. I find that even now, I have a very soft spot in my heart for wee little children and their mommies. When I see them suffer in any way, it pulls at my heartstrings. And I still grieve the miscarriage now and then. I don't think about it often anymore, but when I do, I allow myself to feel it and to receive God's comfort. As I was thinking about writing this article, I couldn't sleep. I got up early in the morning and paced the kitchen floor, weeping. But it is a good kind of mourning, the kind that knows joy will come again. I will hold my little one in Heaven, where he or she is already safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to catch up! That's the truth about God's grace! 

    Bolivia Trip #2, 2009 
    And there was joy after our mourning. Just under a year later, our second daughter made her grand debut, followed by eight more children after that. I thank God for granting me this precious baby just a year after my loss and growing her up into such a lovely young woman.   I realize that if I hadn't lost our second pregnancy, this daughter would never have been born, and she is a treasure.  She has a very soft spot in her heart for people who are suffering.  She and her husband are active in ministry to the homeless in Orlando and to impoverished regions of Bolivia, where they are leading a short term missions team this summer.  (It will be her fifth trip there.)



    Not every grieving mommy will have another baby.  I can't promise sunshine and roses.  The ache may linger for a lifetime.  But God knows the End from the Beginning. We can trust him to work out all the details in between. 

    Grace and peace,

    Virginia Knowles
    www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

    Tuesday, February 12, 2013

    Grandchildren are a Treasure from the Lord


    My two grandsons came to visit 
    for several hours on Saturday
    while Mommy and Daddy 
    went to a friend's wedding.

    This little one turns a year old today!





    Big brother will be three this summer.

    He is determined to carry 
    both soccer balls at the same time.
    And he does!




    Snack time



    Flowers for Grandma!



    In a quieter moment, I lay on the sofa with the little one perched on top of me.  We listened to an old Steve Green Hide 'Em in Your Heart Bible memory CD -- the same songs their mommy listened to when she was little.  

    "Let us not grow weary in doing good
    In due season we will reap

    Let us not grow weary in doing good
    In due season we will reap

    If we don't lose heart
    If we don't lose heart
    In due season we will reap
    If we don't lose heart
    If we don't lose heart
    In due season we will reap..."

    (I need those words in my own Mommy soul for when it gets wild around here with my children still at home!)

    My daughter said they listen to these songs on YouTube.  I haven't found the channel for them yet, but I did find this other Steve Green oldie about children -- one I listened to often when our first children were little.  "Children are a treasure from the Lord."  Maybe that's why we had ten of them...  (But it never hurts to be reminded!)



    See also: Children: Life's Greatest Treasure 

    Grace to you,

    Virginia Knowles
    www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com



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