Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Who is the Proverbs 31 Woman? Not Me Yet!

Self-Portrait, 2012
Who is "The Proverbs 31 Woman"?

(Not Me Yet!)


Proverbs 31 came to mind as I woke this morning.  Not that I had studied it recently, though I certainly should.

Our family is about to go through a major transition.  After a decade of working from home, my husband is hoping to start (if all goes well with the final technicalities) a full-time paid job internship next week.  During all these years of flexible schedule, he's been so helpful with fixing stuff around the house, cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, taking care of the cars, paperwork, home schooling, chauffeuring kids, and so much more.  And now I need to step back up to the plate and take over more of these duties.  At least I don't have a house full of babies and preschoolers as I did back when he was last working full-time-and-then-some when I was out-to-here pregnant with our 9th baby.

Knowles family, with the new generation
But we've still got 8 of our 10 kids at home, though some of them are capable young adults with jobs and college classes to keep them busy. There is always much for me to do and I wonder how I will do more.  I look around my bedroom.   On my desk: a budget, a revised schedule with scritch-scratch changes to accommodate Daddy being away, plans for my daughter's birthday party, a pile of papers to be sorted, pictures of my sweet little grandsons, my weekly vitamin organizer (freshly filled this morning), my mending pile, folded laundry waiting to be put away, a bin of pictures to be hung, and a bunch of books I plan to read soon (for planning home school co-op English classes, for reading to my children, for dealing with family health/home/organization issues, and for my own spiritual nourishment).  My inbox is full. And that's just in my bedroom. I still have to wake up several of the kids up to get started with the day.  

All of it a bit much, I'd say.  Time to cut the fluff and make every moment count.  My ADD brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around that reality.  At least I've already started back with scheduling my mornings to spend an hour doing schoolwork with each of the three kids who need help with their lessons.  (That was a great practical encouragement from my logistically-gifted husband.)

And then there is my open Bible, with these words beaming their timeless encouragement up at me...

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
    and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
    bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
    she provides food for her family
    and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
    her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
    and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
    and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
    and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
    and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Ah yes, the legendary Proverbs 31 woman.

Who is she?

Who am I?  

I'm not her, yet, though I've been told that this is a panoramic view of many seasons of her life, not just a snapshot of a single moment in time.

But it is clear: she is not a pampered princess, not a wilting wallflower, not a dependent  doormat.  There is no frilly fragility or prissy passivity about her.  I think she would embrace the belief that men and women are completely equal in Christ, that women are not second class citizens, that our lives go far beyond exclusive-and-perpetual domesticity.  She would not be cowed into idolatrous pseudo-submission by an Alpha Male who uses power to control rather than to serve alongside. She worships God - not her husband, or children, or home.  (Those are the ones she loves and serves out of the overflow of her full heart.)

She is capable, strong, wise, creative, diligent, intelligent, generous, resourceful, enterprising, versatile, confident, cheerful, firm, faithful, noble.

She can hold her own.

And I only hope I can hold mine.  I have a whole lot of growing up to do!  :-)

How about you?

Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

P.S. I wrote a related post that is more directly related to home schooling here -- and as a bonus, there are links to my free home school e-books!  Home School Day in the Life (2nd, 6th, 8th & 10th Grades)

You might also like to read these posts:

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Equip & Encourage Blog Carnival #3


Equip & Encourage Blog Carnival #3

Dear friends,

Equip & Encourage Blog CarnivalWelcome to week #3 at the Equip & Encourage blog carnival!  (You can see previous weeks here: Equip & Encourage #1 and Equip & Encourage #2)
                  
Here's how it works: Each week, I will put up a new Equip & Encourage blog carnival post.  Then you link your blog post using the convenient tool provided by Simply Linked.  At the bottom of your post, please link back to my blog so your friends can join the fun and visit the blogs of our other contributors.  Your posts can be of anything interesting to the target audience, which is generally Christian moms.  So posts could be about mothering, marriage, homemaking, education, crafts, devotional, missions and outreach, what life is like at your house, something new you've been learning, something you're frustrated about, a book review, etc.  It doesn't have to be a recent post, so feel free to dig into your archives and bring out a favorite!

How about it?  Link up, ladies!  Then check back later to see what others have posted!

Just enter your title, your e-mail address (won't be shown), and the web link for your post below, then grab the Equip & Encourage blog button above to include at the bottom of your post.  Thanks for joining!


Equip & Encourage ~*~*~

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Project 52 Photo Challenge: Week 1 "Resolution"

Dear friends,


My friend and fellow blogger, Tonya Travelstead, just told me about the Project 52 photo challenge.  You submit one photo per week on an assigned theme.  This first week of the year is fittingly dubbed "Resolution."


Here is my photo of the week:


"Bride and Groom" by Peter Otfinoski
This sculpture is "Bride and Groom" by Peter Otfinoski.  You can find it and many other Otfinoski bronze sculptures at Leu Gardens in Orlando, Florida.  You can see some of my other photos here: Leu Gardens Again!


Thad and I with our youngest daughter at Leu Gardens
My husband Thad and I visited Leu Gardens earlier this week with some of our kids since admission is free the first Monday of each month.  Thad pointed out the "Bride and Groom" piece to me.  


My resolution this year is to strengthen my marriage with God's help.  It's been a challenging year for our family in many ways, so we're taking this seriously. Thad and I have had some really productive forward-looking conversations lately.  We're reading about family relationships and regularly seeking advice from wise pastors and counselors.  And we try to go out together once a week.  After 26 years of marriage and 20 years of home schooling our 10 children, we need this focused time with each other now more than ever.  Hopefully this will pay rich dividends in the coming generations.  (We already have two married daughters, and our second grandson is due next month!)


Click here to see Project 52!


project 52 p52 my3boybarians.com


Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com


P.S. Also on this blog: Help for Hurting Marriages.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Friday Favorites #13: Identity and Difficulty

The Knowles family on October 15, 2011
Dear friends,

It’s about time for more Friday Favorites!  Yes, it’s been over two months since I’ve done this, but we’ve had a wedding to plan (Just a Few Wedding Pictures and A Country Style Wedding Reception) and I wrote several posts in my Grace Based Parenting series in the interim.  And now I’m really having to limit blogging time because our family is walking through a very challenging season of life.  Your prayers are greatly appreciated. 


However, I did want to compile this group of links that I thought would be helpful to some of you.  Most of these are in some way related to having a true sense of identity, and I can tell you, I have been thinking lately that “It is a good thing I know who I am.”

I have posted brief excerpts with each link, and I would encourage you to read the full articles for anything which piques your interest.

How To Afford What Really Matters- Living Loved by Arabah Joy “I know this voice well. How often it tells me that I need to teach my children a lesson; that a few well placed, hard words will bend them to my liking and will prevent future mishaps; that in order to get the appropriate response I want, I must listen to my emotions, lay down the law. I surely must address this and nip it in the bud. If not, my child will run wild and I’ll never be able to “control” him or her again. I simply can’t afford anything other than strong-armed parenting. Except the voice has been proven a liar. I’ve been down a parenting road or two that I don’t ever care to visit again.  This is one of them. But how to find the way out? Because it is a dark road, not well marked, and finding your way back isn’t easy. And just because I’ve learned that Shepherd’s staff trumps Egypt’s whip doesn’t mean I always know what the staff looks like…how it plays out from situation to situation. It can all be so frustratingly ambiguous. What exactly am I supposed to do? The refrain echos from the chambers of my heart: “Live Loved,” it says once again.

Jamie’s Biggest Homeschooling Mistake: Failing to Be Me by Jamie Martin at Simple Homeschooling “I  began my homeschooling career like many of you: with a whole host of stereotypes and a conveyor belt education hangover. I believed I wasn’t fully equipped to teach my children and that a system knew what they needed better than I did. Even though I dared, as many of you have, to venture out on this path–I carried my baggage with me. As a result, I wanted to homeschool the “right” way. I desperately didn’t want to fail my children or screw up their education, their socialization, their lives! So I read some really good books about homeschooling, searched for the ideal curriculum, and turned down the dial on my inner intuition. But something didn’t feel right. Me.”

What’s Happened to Satan?  By Preston at A Deeper Story “The boy removed his horns from his head and offered them and his pitchfork to me, stating simply and confidently, “I don’t want to be Satan anymore.” I received them with the same look of earnest conviction that he had offered them to me. “Alright, what shall you be, then?”

Which personalities are the most acceptable?  by Sally Clarkson at I Take Joy “We live in a world that values conformity. We want to use our force, our power, our authority to make people, and our children, fit into the box. Be good. Be tame. Be moral. Don’t bring attention to yourself. Don’t contend or question what the norm.” – which leads into her son’s article…

OCD, ADHD, ADD, ODD by Nathan Clarkson at The MOB Society (for Moms of Boys) “I am different, sometimes crazy, I am more volatile than most, I am a little louder at some points and much quieter than anyone at other times, I feel things strongly, I don’t idle well, I dance and sing VERY loudly.”

Be Careful Who You Listen To by Lizzie Julin at Submission Is Not Silence “Through history, women have heard conflicting messages, enough to blur and distort the truth of who they are: their importance and significance. Fear of being controlled and fear of abuse still resonate in women. In some places slave trafficking, domestic violence and unfair workplace policies steal their self respect and excitement for life.  Every woman is significant by birth! Every woman can become strong and effective with wisdom from the Bible and persistent effort. Her courageous steps toward expressing it will work for her benefit her whole lifetime.”  Also see Debating Abigail

Two Abigails Part 1 and Part 2 by MatthewS at Recovering Grace  “The first Abigail is a wise and beautiful hero, an inspiration to women and men everywhere. Her quick thinking, deliberate action, and diplomatic speech saved many lives. We meet this Abigail in a delightful story told in 1 Samuel 15. Sadly, many of us raised under the Institute in Basic Life Principles and ATI’s teachings grew up hearing a misleading version of this courageous person’s story.”

I Call You Blessed by Beverly Bradley at Out on a Limb “Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” As Reb was reading, I sensed the Lord embrace me, saying, “You have never seen Me, and yet you believe.”  My heart responded, “But I falter, and I struggle everyday to remember and to believe.” His encouragement persisted.  “You have never seen Me, and yet you believe in Me.  You don’t stop believing in Me.  You fall, but you get up, go on; you believe and won’t stop.  I call you blessed.” I was amazed!  Here I was in the throes of my weakness, and Jesus called me blessed! “Seriously, Lord, You are O.K. with this…this train wreck?” “I call you blessed.” “Well then, if I know I am not wounding Your heart, and I have to struggle every day of my life, then O.K., I will fight this as long as I live, and I will believe.”“I call you blessed.” Tears of relief flooded me.  I could fight this fight as long as I knew I had His smile.

And finally, though it is not a blog post, I thought I would end this emphasis on identity with a news story: Name changers: 285 Indian girls no longer 'unwanted'
“
Hundreds of Indian girls whose names mean "unwanted" in Hindi chose new names Saturday for a fresh start in life. A central Indian district held a renaming ceremony it hopes will give the girls new dignity and help fight widespread gender discrimination that gives India a skewed gender ratio, with far more boys than girls.”

 

Which in turn reminds me of the identity that God offers us in Jesus:  “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." (1 Peter 2:9-10)


Blessings,
Virginia Knowles

Monday, July 25, 2011

Web Links about Parenting with Grace Instead of Authoritarian Legalism

"Maternal Kiss" by Mary Cassatt, 1896
This post is part of my new series on Gender & Authority.  Most of these links to other web sites are not gender-based, but they all talk about raising children with grace and love instead of authoritarian legalism or emotional abuse.  Some of them also address the problems with the patriarchal (aka patriocentric or father-centered family) edge of the home schooling movement, as well as related marriage issues.  


So far, my other posts in the Gender & Authority series are:


My other related posts on this blog:

    The rest of these links are for other web sites that I have found helpful.  I do not endorse everything you may find on these sites or even in the linked posts.  I trust that you will read with your own discernment.  I recommend that if you plan to visit several of these sites that you open each one in a separate tab and then read them in turn.

    Recovering Grace - I can't tell you how delighted I am to see this new web site!  I had wanted to address the legalism and subsequent emotional damage within Bill Gothard's Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institutes organizations.  I have seen a lot written about it here and there on the web, but I knew it would take too much research and time for me to round all of it up!  Now I can just give you a link where "a Gothard generation shines light on the teachings of IBLP and ATI" and gives "personal testimonies of finding true freedom through God's matchless grace." As a personal note, Thad and I attending an IBYC conference (name changed later to IBLP) before we got married, and maybe once afterward.  We still have the big red book and some of the other resources around here, and though we never really attempted to implement them specifically, I think the concepts did influence our thinking. 


    Finding Healing from Disillusionment by Elizabeth Wyse Cook (guest post on www.quiveringdaughters.com) -- life after working for Bill Gothard 

    Resolved2Worship  At age 19, she married a man (ten years older) who was raised in an authoritarian home that was heavily influenced by a legalistic organization which is not named on the blog but I suspect is Gothard's ATI program.  It took many years for them to establish a healthy family life due to his parents' interference.   Now with several children of their own, their testimony in the "Our Love Story" series is one of God's grace and sovereignty through it all.  Besides that, her photos of her children and nature are absolutely gorgeous and fun.

    Two sites dedicated to addressing problems with the BabyWise and Growing Kids God's Way resources by the Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I remember taking issue with this stuff about 15 years ago since it seemed so rigid.  In the case of young babies and feeding on schedule, the program came under fire from medical professionals for causing Failure to Thrive in infants.  There is a ton of info at these web sites...
    Tulip Girl also has a series on the serious problems in Michael and Debi Pearl's To Train Up a Child and No Greater Joy resources.  

    • Tulip Girl's Pearl/TTUOC Posts

    (As you may remember, it was a Pearl "discipline" related child death that caused me to write Child Discipline or Child Abuse? last year.)

    I Take Joy with Sally Clarkson

    ThatMom with Karen Campbell

    And an encouraging and balanced word from Mary Pride in 2009 as a follow up to her books The Way Home and All the Way Home:
    Patriarchy, Meet Matriarchy


    Please let me know which of these links and sites are most useful for you!  If any don't work, please tell me that, too, so I can fix or delete them as necessary.


    If you have any links that you would like to consider adding to this post, please send them along.  And check back for updates!


    Blessings,
    Virginia Knowles
    ww.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

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