Dear friends,
So yeah, it's been well over two years since I started
this Reflections on Grace Based Parenting series based on Tim Kimmel's book, and a year and a half since
the last post on it. Now it's finally time to finish up so I can pass along the
book to one of my daughters who is expecting her first baby this spring. I already gave a copy to her older sister, who
has two little boys already. It’s funny
to be well into the grandparenting years while still parenting young ones of my
own at home.
The final two chapters are “The Freedom to Make
Mistakes” and “Evening Grace.” Trust
me, in 26 years of mothering, I’ve made a boatload of mistakes! So glad for grace to change and move on! Here
are some of the quotes from these chapters which are most helpful to me:
“Parents who
embrace grace make their homes a safe place for average kids to develop into
extraordinary people. In these types of
homes, weaknesses and inadequacies aren’t a big deal. These families are overseen by shrewd mothers
and fathers who see their children’s fragile features as opportunities for God’s
power to shine through them. They also
know that giving their children a safe place to work through their
vulnerabilities keeps these shortomcings from getting in the way of their true
greatness.”
“If anything,
grace should motivate you to a higher holiness.
Grace-based homes aren’t places where family members assume they can say
whatever they want, see whatever they want, hear whatever they want, taste or
drink whatever they want, or touch whatever they want. That’s not grace. That’s someone wanting to live his or her own
life with no regard for what God has said or what He thinks. But when grace is in place, there is clearly
a different attitude toward sin in homes without grace…. People who walk by
faith are far more capable of developing a godly and righteous lifestyle
because they are finding their power for living in their personal relationship
with the Lord.”
“It’s not that
grace-based homes don’t take their children’s sin seriously. Nor is it that grace-based homes circumvent
consequenceds. It isn’t even that grace-based
homes do nothing to protect their children from attacks and temptations that threaten
them from outside. They do all these
things, but not for the same reasons.
Grace-based homes aren’t trusting in the moral safety of their home or
the spiritual environment they’ve created to empower their children to resist
sin…. Bottom line: Grace-based families realize that their children will
struggle with sin. They consider it an
honor to be used by God to show their children how to find true forgiveness in
Christ. They are not intimidated by the
dialogue that brings the discussion of sin to light. In fact, they are grateful to be able to come
alongside their children with an unconditional love during some of their
toughest hours.”
“A grace
response to your children’s sin is to avoid condemnation. You can evaluate their wrong actions, discuss
their negative effects, and even voice the pain and disappointment that you have
experienced as a result of it. But you
don’t want to condemn. Condemnation
corners them and doesn’t offer much hope.
Condemnation attacks their character rather than addresses their
behavior. When you condemn, it causes a
reflex within them to defend themselves.
Often your condemnation oes little more than to make a bad situation far
worse.”
“Providing
consequences for sin is a loving form of grace.
It says, “I love you too much to let you continue in this pattern and
grow up to be bad.” Meting out fair and consistent consequences for their
negative actions tells children there is a mature and decent parent overseeing
their lives. Letting them get away with
sin says just the opposite. It tells
them they have an immature parent who is more concerned about their comfort
than with their children’s dignity.”
“You have been
singled out to do a favor for God. He is
asking you to be His representative to a small but vital part of the next
generation. He needs someone to be His
voice, His arms, and His heart. He chose you.”
I’m glad I read these chapters tonight. They are good reminders for me. A lot has happened in our family since I
started the series. There have been some
really tough circumstances and hard decisions, as well as some positive progress
and sweet memories. Looking back and
looking forward, I know that I need to be more consistently proactive in my mothering to help my kids deal with the complexities of life. I have swung the pendulum from severe to lax,
and need to find my middle rhythm in grace.
I sat down with my five younger kids for about 15
minutes this evening – nothing long and drawn out. I read to them Ephesians
2:1-10 (grace of course!) and then chatted for a little bit about asking God to
help us grow spiritually so that we want to do the right thing from the heart. We also talked about some of the ways we need
to pull it together as a family in the areas of responsibility around the house. I tried to keep our family meeting light and
sweet, and I think I got through to them at least a little bit! We
need to do this more often. I’ll also
give them a detailed list of reasonable expectations about chores, meals, use
of electronics, etc. I’ll tweak it based
on this evening’s discussion and give it to them soon. They did get to choose the days they wanted
to do dishes. A little choice goes a
long way toward cooperation.
How about you?
How do you embrace grace in your home? I’d love to see your
comments. If you’re a blogger or you’ve
found something good about parenting on the Internet, feel free to link related
posts!
My previous posts in this Reflections on Grace Based Parenting series are:
- Chapter 1: "Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short"
- Chapter 2: "The Truth Behind Grace"
- Chapter 3: “A Secure Love”
- Chapter 4: "A Significant Purpose"
- Chapter 5: "A Strong Hope"
- Chapters 6-8: "A Delivery System for Grace and The Freedom to Be Different and Vulnerable"
- Chapter 9: “The Freedom to Be Candid”
You might also like these related posts:
- Hypothetical
- Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us
- Mothering by Faith and Grace
- Amazing Grace for Home School Moms
